Thursday, November 2, 2017

The Curse of Apathy

     Apathy is a curse and it what I live day by day.  Having faced so much rejection in my life, I have adopted the apathetic mentality that it doesn't matter, so why try? It keeps me safe, but never it also keeps me from venturing outside my comfort zone, while I shout out to my Soul and Spirit to change things. The answer is always, "We are behind 100 percent. But you have to put yourself out there, too. You want to succeed, then start pushing yourself instead of envying all those who are succeeding."
   This is me. This is who I am. I keep saying I will push myself. I keep thinking I can put myself out there, then I get lost on Facebook and reading the dreaded news. Another way to keep me from working on my promotions, and finishing that third book.
  Here I go, succeeding. Here I go, blogging about myself and my apathy as a way to confront it and hopefully see it for what it is. Perhaps I need someone to keep me in check. Once the world knows that I'm not that successful because I don't believe in myself enough, perhaps they will find something to relate to. Maybe just maybe I'm not that much of an outsider.
  Here I go, taking the Bull by the proverbial horns.  Hell, maybe I need to learn to blow my own horn more and know it is okay to believe in myself.
  And Connor is a Crow Judge, damn it! Respect his title, man!  Yeah, please respect his title. And respect me. I suppose I need to respect myself. Okay, here I go. I gotta love me.
  Hmm, how does it feel to really love me? How does it feel to actually have books selling like hotcakes off of Amazon and Kindle? If anyone can describe that to me, I would appreciate it.
  Maybe Apathy can be a blessing. Maybe I can find something good it in.